Sugar Blossom

Steps on Becoming a Good Boyfriend

1. Be honest.

Being honest to your mate is very important, in a mature relationship, honesty is the best policy. Tell the truth even when it hurts! It may be difficult, but the truth will allow relationships to breathe. No matter what happens, no one can ever challenge the fact that you are truthful, which might mean that the other person also gives you the same respect. If something doesn’t suit them let them know, otherwise they will not trust your opinion. But make it sound like a compliment. Suggest an alternative, and attach praise to the alternative. For example, if they ask you if you like something they are trying on (trying on, not already wearing at a party!) let them know that it might work, but you think the blue one is your favourite so far because it shows off their great (insert their best feature here—a feature that both of you like, not just you). Also, if they ask you, “Do you think I’m beautiful?” answer them honestly, but not rudely. If you think they are pretty, then say so, but don’t say ” You are ugly.”

2. Remember that girls are often raised to be much more emotionally oriented than men.

However, remember that unless your mate suffers from physical ailments that affect their mood, the mood swings that appear to be random for you may very well have significant reasons that you’re just unaware of. After all, your partner is an entire person, with a lifetime of experiences, associations and memories, and emotional expressions result from a combination of factors which they may or may not be aware of. The best thing you can do is not take it personally, and try to help them discover and understand why their mood has taken a turn for the worse.

3. Don’t brush them off.

People often find it exasperating when they get the feeling their partner treats them as an inferior in a relationship. Women are no exception. A lot of women have been taught that the only way to get attention when their partner is trying to ignore them is to act more emotional and be louder until the partner finally surrenders and pays attention to her, even if in annoyance. If people feel they’re being given the cold treatment by people who are supposed to be important to them, they get worried. Especially as it distinguishes them from you without giving an explanation for why this disturbance has occurred. People aren’t mind readers. Your mate is not likely to be able to guess that you’re cranky just because they wouldn’t let you do something that they felt was very trivial, whereas you found it important. If you know that your mood might lead you to overreact, simply say “I’m feeling really irritated right now. Can we talk about this later after I cool off a bit?” (Don’t forget to follow through and actually give her your time later.)

4. Communicate.

Do not talk their ear off, however make sure that if you have any problems that will affect your mood, they are made aware of the reasons for your problems and mood, so that you do not appear to merely be a fickle and cranky creature. Zone out everything around you when you’re talking to them. If you ask them a question, ask them because you really want to know. For example, ask them what type of movies they enjoy, or about one of her favourites. If you know it, talk about it a little bit in an honest way, what you thought of it, and make a guess at why they might have liked it. Even if you are wrong, your mate will usually love the fact that you are interested enough to try. It’s also a good thing to keep in mind that for a guy, it’s better to listen than to talk. Girls enjoy it when their mate respondes to their comment, but they really just like having someone to talk to who will listen. Remember, the opposite of talking is not waiting, it’s listening. Make sure you’re actually listening, not just waiting for your turn to talk.

5. Give gifts as a surprise.

Anyone can buy a gift for a birthday, Christmas or an anniversary. Listen to them when you are out window shopping, and if there is something they like, and it’s within your price range, remember it and surprise them with it when they least expect it, for no reason at all. Or pick something up on your way home from work, and tell them you were thinking of them when you saw it. It doesn’t have to be big or expensive–a book you know they will like, or a CD of their favourite band are ideal gifts.

6. Mix things up.

Go to a new restaurant, try a new nightclub or go to a new part of town. Even if you both end up hating it, it’s an experience you can share and that’s what it’s all about isn’t it? Creating memories together. Surprise them by doing something offbeat–think less maudlin and more personal. This includes anything from racing them to your walking destination, dancing without music, or even bringing them a tub of LEGO and encouraging their immediate use. You two should grow to be comfortable with each other, and doing things together without self-consciousness. Ideally, they should never feel stupid around you for wanting or doing a particular thing.

7. Compliment them sincerely.

Find something particular and compliment them on it, but mean it. Don’t just say, “You look nice”. Say “That really makes your eyes flash”, “Your hair cut really suits the shape of your face” or “That makes me want to kiss your neck” …and then kiss their neck! The more specific you are, the more unique and appreciative the compliment.

8. Be a gentleman.

Even the stuff that seems silly can make a great impression. Hold doors, pull out chairs, things like that. No matter what the media tells you they want, their heart will always go to the gentleman.

9. When your mate calls you or asks you to call them back, just do it.

They probably only want to ask you about your night or talk to you about something real quick. If you don’t call them back, they just might keep calling which will probably annoy you. So even if it’s 4:30 in the morning and you suddenly remember when you get up to go pee, then call them; they’ll like the fact that you did, even if they’re asleep. Now if your mate calls you obsessively, that’s your own problem to deal with!

10. If you plan a date, whether you’re going somewhere fancy or just to the movies and you can’t make it, again just tell them.

Yes, they might be mad at you (more disappointed then anything), but you not calling for fear of their response will make them even more mad. BE A MAN! If you keep canceling though, yes we understand why they’re mad.

11. Show some emotion sometimes.

You don’t necessarily want to be all over your mate or be a whiny baby but be open about when you’re happy versus when you are sad. If you have something to be mad about, just tell them. The thing about girls? They love to talk about feelings (well most of them) and they’re willing to listen. Your mate will not think any less of you if you show emotion; don’t worry -­you’re still a man!

12. Mates have a tendency to do favors, leave notes and gifts and just be all around sweet.

Yes this can be embarrassing, but realize they just want to do something nice for you, so at least act like you appreciate it. Once in a while make an effort to surprise them. Not necessarily with diamonds and rubies or with 100 dollar meals and fancy gifts, but with just taking the time to do something small and unexpected for them. Give her dog a bath or change that light bulb that’s been out for weeks.

13. No need to be all romantic, some of the sweetest memories will be the things that you say or where you went or what you buy them; sure that does stick in our memory but there are more important things!

14. Don’t get jealous easily.

You don’t want your mate to freak out if you talk to another person, so don’t freak out when they’re talking to another guy; besides, you never know –it could be a brother, uncle, cousin.

15. Don’t judge them by her clothes or the way they look.

They may not always feel like spending an hour plucking, tweezing, clipping this, applying that. Make sure they know they can relax and be themselves with you. Don’t make them feel like they always have to look like a celestial being.

16. Take care of yourself!

Women want to be with someone who can successfully balance their personal life with work or school. Nothing scares them away faster than someone they constantly need to remind to do laundry, take a shower, or get to work on time. It is okay to turn the volume down on the relationship occasionally to accomplish something that needs to get done… we understand! We admire your initiative and hard work.